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I Should Have Been A Rock Star

When I was little I used to dream of being in a band.  I’d be the unusual combination of drummer and lead singer, killing both like it was no big thing, and we’d be famous, obviously. I’m not sure I ever really believed this would happen, but I can’t deny that it was always in the back of my mind.

Things didn’t quite happen the way I imagined.  I only played drums briefly in grade 6 when we had band class.  I loved it, but it didn’t really go anywhere from there.  If I had had access to such things as Youtube to learn and gain inspiration from back then, I can’t help but think that things might have turned out differently.  C’est la vie.

Singing was where my heart truly was anyway.  I can remember many times with various friends and cousins singing along at the top of our lungs to our favourite song of the day.  Sometimes we even recorded ourselves to hear what we sounded like to each other.  When I’d get a new cassette tape (yep I’m from that era) I’d close my bedroom door and listen to it over and over and over again to learn it by heart, again singing as loud as I could.  In the car with my mom, we’d put on our favourite tunes during road trips and annoy the heck out of my brother in the back seat.  I have so many memories of having fun while singing.

In high school I joined choir.  This was a new experience for me, singing out in front of my peers, virtual strangers.  I’m sure I wasn’t alone in that feeling.  Some took to it no problem, whether they had a good voice or not.  Others, like me, took a long time to warm up to the idea.  I’ve never had an enormous amount of self-esteem, and I suffered a bit for it here.  Every year there were opportunities to perform in front of our classmates and in solos for our public performances, and every year I desperately wanted to try.  It wasn’t until grade 12, my final year, when I realized that if I didn’t do it now I never would.  I tried out for a solo, and to my great surprise I got it.

I won’t go into how the solo actually went down at the performance (hint, hint, not well), but I was and still am proud of myself for trying out and getting the part.  It was an important moment for my self-esteem and I naturally wished that I had done it much sooner.

Ever since high school I’ve wanted to be part of another choir.  I missed it once school was over, but I was busy with work and college and the thought of having to join a choir on my own seemed far too intimidating.  So I contented myself with singing in the car and in the shower and when I was home alone.  Occasionally, and with the encouragement of rum or vodka or beer, I’d participate in karaoke nights, but I’ve never really believed I have a good enough voice to sing in public.  I wish I was one of those lucky people born with the endless self confidence to put myself out there no matter the consequences, but even now at the prospect of finally joining a choir, the thought of having to audition to get in is terrifying.

I suspect that I will never be the rock star I dreamed of being when I was little… but perhaps drum lessons aren’t completely out of the question.

S

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